I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty “disconnected” lately. I can barely manage to drag myself to a place where I can meditate and I’ve been feeling quite alone.
Even connecting to my feelings about this “disconnection” is hard – it’s all sort of blah. Meh.
I don’t feel that upset about it, or worried. I just feel sort of drowsy spiritually, drifting along somewhat aimlessly with no real plan or excitement.
The one worry in the back of my mind is what this is doing to my dreams, because it almost feels like losing sight of them temporarily. And I don’t know if they are strong enough and real enough to survive my falling asleep at the reins, and for how long.
Do they just wither and die like a garden without water? I’ve been wondering about this.
I suspect that one of the reasons I feel like this at the moment is that my emotional trip-switch got thrown a bit with the surprise results of the American elections. I didn’t support either candidate strongly, but the result upset me, mainly because I had hoped that the transition into a less patriarchal, more inclusive new world would be easier and less painful than it looks to be now.
(Having one’s hopes dashed always hurts, no matter how idealistic (unrealistic) they are).
Also, the world has been filled with a lot of fear and hatred (which is basically fear on steroids) lately. So maybe, it is normal for our trip-switches to trip out and disconnect us from the sensory overload going on – as a self-protective measure.
Therefore I’m going to try not to be too hard on myself and to accept my frailty in the face of those ‘interesting times’ the ancient Chinese curse warned us all about.
Be that as it may, I also know that we still need to do the work to lessen the fear and feelings of being let down within ourselves, because we have a job to do here all the same.
Even if we do get time off, there is still work to do, maybe more now than ever.
It’s like the Hotel California in that song: we can check out but we can’t leave. So once we’ve finished our sulky check-out session we need to get back on the horse that kicked us and go see where it wants to take us.
If you don’t feel up to it yet, that is okay. Neither do I.
But soon, I suspect.
Do you want to come along?
Mwah. Lots of love, to you.